modesty
Most recent modesty article for Live Original’s blog here
Modesty! Yay! A topic people love to read about, post about, talk about! Just kidding! I briefly talked about my heart behind why I dress modest on the first podcast episode Ariel graciously had me on. The past couple of weeks, God has placed it on my heart to talk about it more in depth. I pray this message meets you with not condemnation, but with a heart that wants to see guys and girls thrive in living life with Jesus. Thrive in His abundance that He so freely offers us through His gospel.
Christian modesty is a kingdom mindset. A heart issue. I was that girl in high school who found dress codes silly because “it wasn’t my fault guys are weird!” I came to Liberty knowing I wouldn’t be able to wear shorts to class, but other than that the rules didn’t bother me. What can I say? I just am not a crop top kind of girl. My RA’s sat the new students down for a hall meeting and when it came time for the modesty conversation I prepared myself for some ridiculous explanation. My RA pleasantly surprised me with a beautiful explanation about why I should dress modestly.
Guess what? Spoiler! It’s not about me! It’s not about my preferences! Because guess what? I was bought at a price. I was a terrible investment but Jesus died on the cross for me and now lives inside of my heart. My body is not mine [1 Corinthians 6:19-20].
“Modesty enables Christians to be the loudest about the things that have eternal value.”
She shared how our brothers in Christ would one day be married to one of our sisters in Christ. Why would we ever want to get in the way of their journey of purity? A life of purity is hard enough in it of itself; adding deliberate immodest dressing is unnecessary. I recently heard immodesty defined as oversexualized persuasion … it sure made me dislike the word persuasion. Immodest dressing is not honoring to them. It’s not about us, it’s about building the kingdom and honoring our brothers and sisters in Christ. We do not belong to the world or to ourselves, but we belong to the most beautiful Father Who knows best. We should not be known by worldly standards, but should heed Paul’s advice.
“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Colossians 3:12-17
If you think about it, if we are abiding in Him and in His Word the result will be His fruits. I found a book on Christian modesty and it is literally called The Look. I thought that was kind of fun! The author echoes my thoughts above:
“This isn’t to suggest that men aren’t responsible for their thought life or their behavior. They are. And they have to learn how to walk with God and bring those thoughts under the control of Christ, even though they live in a culture where immodesty is rampant.
However, as Christian women, our clothing choices can either help men succeed morally or can put temptation in their path that they may find difficult to overcome. That means both men and women are responsible for moral purity!
What we wear + How we look = A picture of what we believe”
I think the biggest issue I have seen is gym wear. I have guy friends of mine who are in relationships who go to the gym and stare at their feet the whole time. It’s an issue and it needs to be talked about. & may I just say? Crop tops are not stylish. Booty cheeks hanging out of shorts is not stylish. It is possible to dress modestly and look chic. I recently saw this couple at the gym and I had to compliment them 97% because they looked incredible but there was that modesty factor in their outfits that held the chef’s kiss 3% for me.
Seeing every outline of your body is not the ultimate “dang she looks good.” The ultimate “dang she looks good” should be by being known by our fruits.
To quote the Jonas Brothers [yep I went there], “I can't get your smile out of my mind. I think about your eyes all the time. You're beautiful but you don't even try. Modesty is just so hard to find.”
The Look
The Look
It takes humility and an honoring heart posture to dress modestly. Let’s quickly define what humility is: humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. Similarly, modesty does not equate to wearing potato sacks and thinking poorly of your body. It is loving to your past, present, and future self to dress modestly. It is loving to your brothers and sisters too. At the end of the day the question to ask ourselves is, “God, what did you think about that [my outfit, that interaction, that thought, that speech, that comment]?”
I asked some of my guy and girl pals if they could share their hearts behind modesty and this is what they had to say :)
“What I appreciate about modesty is what it says about the individual. I think the lie we tell ourselves about modesty is that it silences our identity and puts a cap on our self worth. Modesty enables Christians to be the loudest about the things that have eternal value. 2 Corinthians 10:17, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’ I appreciate Christian women being modest because it tells me that they find their identity in dwelling with Jesus and communion with Christ and not in the gaze and approval of men.” Gabe G., 21
“I find modesty attractive as I believe it is an outward representation of the heart. Girls who are willing to dress appropriately show that they value themselves and do their best to avoid feeling like an object. When I see a girl who is not dressed appropriately, I believe that this shows that she may not know her value as it pertains to being a daughter of the most high King. I feel like it is their way of receiving attention and in turn affirmation for something other than their personality and who they are as a person. This aspect of things can go deeper regarding identifying with Christ as well. But overall, I see modesty as an external expression of respect for oneself and for those around her.”
Seth D., 21
“The way you’re dressing, that’s the kind of guy you’re attracting. If neither of you respect yourself enough to dress that way, then you won’t respect each other. The question then remains: where is your respect for the LORD?”
Marieke N., 20
“Keep your gift wrapped!” Grace H., 21
“There’s a fleshly side to guys who want a woman to dress inappropriately because you want to consume as much impurity and entertainment as possible. But I’m a man who wants more of God and wants more of a relationship with God by seeking purity. When a woman helps me step into that I’m more appreciative of that than of fleshly consumption of immodesty. The flesh & hormones take priority over the Spirit when you aren’t abiding in Christ. It’s not that the Spirit isn’t strong, it’s simply because you’re not abiding in the Spirit.” Ethan D., 19
“If the main goal of what someone is wearing is to draw attention to themselves, specifically in a way that could potentially promote lust or envy, then glorifying God isn’t the main goal. As Christians, if we declare that we’re living for Jesus, that declaration should impact the Christian’s life holistically … The byproduct of modesty is helping a fellow brother or sister not stumble, but I believe the main goal is to protect the sanctity of the temple of the Holy Spirit which glorifies Jesus.” Brianna L., 21
“Modesty is about humility. Dying to yourself and realizing that this life is no longer your own. The more I know and fall in love with Jesus, the easier modesty gets for me, because He changes my desires. He’s worth it.” Chloe P., 22
“I think modesty shows thought and care for others. It’s not something to think, “I’m holier or better than somebody” but rather “I value others.” I find that people who value modesty have GREAT self esteem. This is a quality I value VERY highly in all relationships. People that have security in the Lord stay and remain firm in His truths, promises, and attain a godly confidence. I think of Isaiah 40:31 regarding one’s firmness in God with their modesty and esteem.” Nick N., 21
References
DeMoss, Nancy Leigh. The Look - Does God Really Care What I Wear? Buchanan: Revive Our Hearts, 2003.